“Teach your children well,” Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young sang to a generation.
“And feed them on your dreams.”
“Fix these words of mine into your mind and being,”
God tells his people in our Scriptural writing.
“Teach them to your children.”
Jesus said:
"Let the children come to me, and don't get in their way.”
Children are important to Jesus.
Children are important to the Church.
Children are important to our society.
Children are important to everyone in this room.
The truth of the matter is that no matter how we slice it,
no matter how we may think otherwise,
no matter how much we may ignore it,
children spend their days watching us.
They watch what we do.
They watch what we say.
They watch how we do what we do.
And, they learn from it.
It is from us they get the clues as to what is important in life.
It is from us they receive the values with they will try to live their lives.
It is from us they understand right and wrong behavior.
It is from us they that a faith is passed on – or not.
Like it, or not;
Believe it, or not;
Understand it, or not;
but you and I are being observed right this very moment.
Children learn by watching you.
Scientific studies confirm this time and time again.
A child’s behavior is more affected by what they observe from their parents than by any other source.
A parent has more affect on a child than any peer group.
A parent has more affect on a child than any educational experience.
A parent has more affect on a child than television.
A parent has more affect on a child than anything.
Children look to parents for clues as to how to be the person they will become.
Today, churches all over the country are celebrating Christian family week.
You know, the one sign I put up out there on State Road that got the most response – more unsolicited comments and conversations reported – than any other sign ever was one that read:
It takes a church to raise a family.
It takes a church to raise a family.
It may take a village to raise a child,
but It takes a church to raise a family.
Our faith is quite interested in family –
not only the so-called nuclear family where needs are met and values learned,
but also the extended family,
where each of us
are brothers and sisters,
aunts and uncles
for each other --
helping shape values and morals
and extending care and support
for the vicissitudes of life,
and also because we are part of the family of God:
each of us sons and daughters of God –
related to each other sharing similar characteristics:
emotional, social, physical, intellectual and spiritual characteristics.
It is good that we should have this day to celebrate the family and all it means to us.
Because, it is in the family that we learn who we are.
It is in the family that our identity is established.
It is in the family that we become a person.
I suspect that some of us received that message from our parents somewhere along life̓s journey:
“Remember who you are.”
It is in the family that we learn who we are.
Are we persons of worth, persons of value?
Are we bright, capable, persons of promise?
In the family that we learn who we are.
We also learn what is expected of us.
This is where our own personal moral compass gets calibrated.
This is where the plumb line is set for what is right and wrong.
I’ve shared this with some of you before – maybe you remember reading it somewhere.
For nearly 30 years now, one educator has been
asking high school seniors a fascinating question,
‘Would you save your dog or a stranger first if both were drowning?”
If you were there and saw a stranger and your dog both in the river drowning, which would you attempt to save first?
Which one would you try to save?
Here is what he found:
One-third of the audience always votes for the dog, one-third always votes for the stranger,
and one-third always find the question too difficult.
But, then, another question is asked.
The students who voted to save the person, are asked, “Are the students who voted to save the dog wrong?”
And, curiously, over 30 years, and thousands of students,
not one student has ever said that the others are wrong.
Their argument is always the same:
“Listen, I personally feel that I should save the person, but they feel they should save their dog.”
This educator contends, after much research,
that the feeling of love has supplanted God – or religious principle – as the moral guide for young people.
What is right has been redefined in terms of what a person feels.
Those of us who are pet lovers might be sympathetic to these young people̓s ethical dilemma.
But, the point is that many people today have no fixed point of reference for their values except
what they feel —
and, we know all too well, feelings can be fickle
and feelings can be unreliable – even a feeling as noble as that of love.
We need principles that grow out of our faith in God and our understanding of God̓s plan for life.
These principles and values we learn in the family.
It is in the family that we first develop our sense of who we are.
Every child has a right to a secure, happy home life.
Every child has a right to the love and nurture of his or her parents.
Akin to identity is the question of self-worth.
The author of several excellent books on raising children cautions us that,
“A child can learn to doubt his worth at home even when he is deeply loved by his parents!
Destructive ideas find their way into his thinking process, leading him to conclude that he is ugly or incredibly stupid or that [s]he has already proved himself to be a hopeless failure in life.”
The famous Psychiatrist Dr. Alfred Adler had an experience when a young boy which illustrates just how powerful such a belief can be upon behavior and ability.
He got off to a bad start in arithmetic and his teacher became convinced that he was “dumb in math.”
The teacher then advised the parents of this “fact” and told them not to expect too much of him.
They too were convinced.
Alfred Alder passively accepted the evaluation they had placed upon him.
And his grades in arithmetic proved they had been correct.
One day, however, he had a sudden flash of insight and thought he saw how to work a problem the teacher had put on the board, and which none of the other pupils could work.
He announced as much to the teacher.
She and the whole class laughed.
That’s when he became indignant, went up to the blackboard, and worked the problem – much to their amazement.
In doing so, he realized that he could understand arithmetic.
He felt a new confidence in his ability,
and went on to become a good math student.
We need to encourage our children.
We need not only to surround them with love but we need to help them feel competent as persons.
This church is committed to be here for you parents who are raising children –
to helping you with your parenting task –
surely the most important job you will ever undertake.
We are compiling a Growing Resource Center – a library of books and videos and articles that are available to you to peruse and use.
We are seeking materials to send to you on a regular basis when you cannot be here to help in the faith and values development task with children.
And we have an on-going educational experience here every Sunday morning designed to form values and a faith that is seen through Biblical stories and understandings.
And more is planned.
There is something going on here.
And you are invited to be a part of it.
In James Michener's novel CHESAPEAKE, a participant in a Quaker wedding says to the young couple, "When thee has children, be sure they are taught to know Jesus. It is a fearful thing to rear children who know not the Christian faith."
And that is true, wouldn’t you say?
Place these words on your hearts.
Get them deep inside you.
Teach them to your children.
Talk about them wherever you are,
sitting at home or walking in the street;
talk about them from the time you get up in the morning until you fall into bed at night.
You may know that I spend a significant amount of my study time collecting recently published reports of research projects from researchers all over the world in many fields of interest.
You may be interested to know that recent studies from researchers at Duke University,
Indiana University,
The University of Michigan,
The Center for Disease Control,
Barna Research Group,
and the National Institute for Healthcare Research
reveal some surprising results:
A child that participates in a community of faith regularly – such as a weekly church service and/or an weekly church school experience –
- can expect an increase the average life expectancy by 8 years,
- will significantly reduce their use and risk from Alcohol, Tobacco and Drugs,
- will dramatically lower their risk of suicide,
- will help them rebound from depression 70% faster,
- will dramatically reduce their risk for committing a crime,
- improves their attitude at school and increases their school participation,
- will reduce their risk for rebelliousness,
- actually reduces the likelihood that they would binge drink in college,
- dramatically improves their odds for a "very happy" life,
- provides them with a life-long moral compass, and, as a bonus,
- gets them to wear their seat belts more often!
Let the children come to me.
Bring them to church.
Bring them to Sunday School.
In study, after study, after study, we see that children who actively engage in a faith community on a regular basis are rewarded with SIGNIFICANTLY reduced likelihood of problems and risks, and significantly improved odds of a happier, healthier, longer life.
And, that’s what we wish for them, isn’t it?
Teach your children well.
In his life and in his teachings Jesus elevated the role of relationships high above every other human responsibility.
We were created out of love,
and we were created for love.
God̓s very nature is love.
The ties that bind us together as individual families, and as the family of Christ,
are sacred ties that are not to be severed
except in the most extraordinary of circumstances.
Our children may make all kinds of grievous mistakes in life,
but they need to know that there are two places where they can always receive forgiveness, nurture and love.
That is at home and at the church.
Part of our responsibility is to create a secure place to which they can return.
Everyone needs that.
Everyone.
That is why Jesus told a parable about a young man who went off to a far country and came back home defeated and in disgrace.
But, his father welcomed him with open arms.
Everyone needs a place like that, don’t you think?
Everyone needs a place where they learn a healthy sense of their own identity.
Everyone needs a place where they are taught principles and values that will last them a lifetime.
Everyone needs to know that they can always go back home and back to church.
In a real sense, that is what we are about here at Christ Presbyterian Church.
We are about homebuilding,
we are about people-making,
we are about setting values and plumb-lines,
we are about acceptance.
We are family.
In a very real and profound sense, no matter what you may say,
no matter what you may do,
no matter where you may go,
this a place of open arms –
where everyone knows your name,
and you are welcomed,
and you are acknowledged,
and you are expected.
Amen.
This is a sermon that the congregation of Christ Presbyterian Church in Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania, USA, heard during a worship service May 15, 2011.
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